Don’t Shy Away from Grieving: It Brings Healing
“For life and death are one, even as the river and thesea are one.” –Khalil Gibran
So, this is how life happens. One moment, it’s flowing allvery smoothly. Then. The phone rings. Happy your auntie remembered you on awarm Sunday evening, you greet her cheerfully. But you detect an unusual tone.And a sense of urgency. “My big sister’s been caught in an accident,” sheannounces. Meaning my mom.
The fourth week of January 2020 marked one year since mom passedaway. It was a tough week for me. Just like the previous year when she wasfighting for her life, I didn’t sleep much, my mind replaying the events leadingto her death in January 2019.
We’ve all experienced it; the sting of death, expressed in the grief it brings. And grieve we do, when we lose a loved one―a grandparent, a parent, a child, a sibling or a friend who has been a constant in our lives. Whether the events leading up to the death are unexpected or we see them coming over a period of time, whether the dear departed is in their prime, or elderly, ill or in perfect health, the loss is always profound.
And we mustn’t shy away from grieving. It brings healing.
Allow yourself to grieve. There isn’t a deadline by whichyou should now be fine. Don’t buy into any such suggestion. There isn’t aspecific quantity of tears. Be kind to yourself, take care of your health, restand sleep, spend time alone when you need to and with true friends when youneed company. Avoid the toxic people in your life when you’re not feeling strong.Be kind to other family members. They too are grieving and need to heal. Givethem a call, give them some space when they need it, bring them a surprisegift.
And then it begins to get better. It really does. Slowly butsurely, instead of tears when you think of your loved one, a smile might come.A beautiful memory. Gratitude at having known such a wonderful person. We sometimesdon’t fully understand the extraordinary qualities of the people that surroundus till they’re gone.
First anniversaries can be tender―the first deathanniversary, the first Christmas, the first wedding anniversary, the first birthday…without your loved one. It’s good to laugh and cry at the memories with yourfamily and friends. Your loved one somehow seems to come to life in yourmemories, in your laughter and tears.
But isn’t it beautiful that no person that ever lived cancease to exist? Besides the hope we have for eternal life, they live in ourmemories, laughter, tears and hearts.
So, if you are in a grieving period, don’t forget to minglea smile or two with the tears, and to take to heart the lesson they teach us: Mementomori, remember your mortality. Make your life count.
May the river flow gracefully to the sea.
Copyright ©2020 David Waweru. Photo credit: Photo by Serkan Göktay from Pexels.