Must it End in Tears? Really?

There’s a running joke on social media among the young and young atheart. It’s said in jest, the kind that’s a brand of bitter humour. Wheneversomeone is brave enough to speak of their love relationship, or the prospectsthereof, the automatic response is: “It will all end in tears,” “it alwaysdoes.” I missed the genesis of this trend and have only come upon it recently,full grown and complete with wry memes and illustrations. A particularlypopular one features an airplane flying overhead carrying a sign announcing theinevitable end. Tears.

It used to be that a picture of a plane carrying the proposal sign,“Will you marry me?” would appeal to our softer side. What happened to thatcollective optimism?

When did we become so jaded?

A big part of it in Kenya is that lately, we have seen more than onetoo many love relationships end in a torrent of tears – currently referred toas ‘premium tears.’ And not just tears, but torture and death. We have listenedin shocked awe to stories of husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, and eventheir children, tortured and murdered when relationships turn sour.

For those embarking on love and marriage, processing the current trendof pessimism can be difficult. If anyone starts off believing that theirrelationship will end in tears, it almost certainly will. Talk about a self-fulfillingprophesy! Paradoxically, even some who believe that their relationship issomewhat immune, and will always be blissful, also end in tears too. Must itreally end in tears? Is there still any hope for happily ever after?

Each of us must decide.

Seasons―they are as much a part of our lives as they are of nature. So, thoughthe sun may shine now, I know it will not shine the whole year round. Therewill be cold days and rainy days. There will be windy days and calm days too.And it is a good thing. We don’t know why it must be so but we see thebenefits. The flowers come and go. We plant and we reap. The dust is washedaway. Or we are warmed by the sun. Each thing in its season.

Just as we do not give up on life in a heat wave, or throw in the towel when the rains are unusually heavy, so it should be in the seasons of our relationships. There will be laughter and tears. Guaranteed. But just because the tears come doesn’t mean the end must come.

Remember, there’s no quick fix for the devastation that occurs when you’ve been deeply wounded. And there may be no one to wipe away the flood of tears from the great ocean of pain inside you. Still, you can choose to forgive. Forgiveness may seem absurd and impossible, but it is the key that unlocks the door to our peace, healing, and ability to love again.

Notwithstanding, if you're absolutely certain that it really is time for a breakup, that it is the right thing to do, consider ending the relationship as gently as possible. It can soften the pain a bit.

Copyright ©2020 David Waweru. Photo by Mateus Souza from Pexels.